nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
