time to smoke my breakfast
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
