Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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