Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
