I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
