I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
