just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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