I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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