He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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