She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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