Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The Olympian is in my bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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