Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here