Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.