there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.