Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head