so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"