I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
