no, he came in my armpit
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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