So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
