drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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