I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
