I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
