you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
