She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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