I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
