oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
