what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
