How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How does it feel to date your dad?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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