woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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