An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
