no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
