i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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