lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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