My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
