i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
