apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
