I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
