hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
