Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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