We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
