and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
