we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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