I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dick very happy bro
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
