I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
