I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
