so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
