we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fill condoms, not promises.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.