I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She announced her abortion via fbk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.