I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
