Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions

(617): View more from Massachusetts

you want 1 or 2 eggos?

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(617): i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions (617): you want 1 or 2 eggos? http://tfl.nu/kwdg

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(312): View more from Illinois

spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook

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(312): spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook http://tfl.nu/0qwr

Replies (26) Good night (830) Bad night (2978)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.

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(508): So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs. http://tfl.nu/eq7w

Replies (40) Good night (4011) Bad night (934)
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(456): View more from

im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out

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(456): im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out http://tfl.nu/zwp7

Replies (27) Good night (4200) Bad night (1164)
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(817): View more from Texas

My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.

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(817): My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso. http://tfl.nu/obr6

Replies (11) Good night (1224) Bad night (5672)
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(716): View more from New York

she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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(716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill

Replies (29) Good night (6629) Bad night (1310)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems

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(419): Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems http://tfl.nu/onz0

Replies (3) Good night (1421) Bad night (3020)
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(713): View more from Texas

He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

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(713): He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop. http://tfl.nu/xdpv

Replies (19) Good night (6215) Bad night (969)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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(515): I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises. http://tfl.nu/86bb

Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (1669)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies

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(860): This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies http://tfl.nu/shv8

Replies (7) Good night (1566) Bad night (796)
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(786): View more from Florida

Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.

(1-786): View more from Florida

Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?

(786): View more from Florida

I insist.

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(786): Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted. (1-786): Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat? (786): I insist. http://tfl.nu/nbuf

Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (442)
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(209): View more from California

DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.

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(209): DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now. http://tfl.nu/drmi

Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (399)
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(+42): View more from

I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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(+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7

Replies (0) Good night (693) Bad night (267)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.

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(304): So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/s4hr

Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (200)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians

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(541): Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians http://tfl.nu/wfuy

Replies (3) Good night (215) Bad night (363)

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