I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny