I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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