So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.