While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
handjob tips. give me some.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
