peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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