I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
