i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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