Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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