Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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