Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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