Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
