my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
