Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
