You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
