Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
