i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
