i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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