I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
