Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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