It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
