I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
